My mother views my as a fucking child. she always wants me to stay in her room because she wants “me to be with family” but gives zero justification. she always says “what you watchin/stop looking at negative shit.” she hates it when i get actually cute clothes because they look “slutty” “embarassing” “bringing shame to south asian neighbors” holy shit the only people who care about me looking “slutty” would be creeps and pedophilles. i am not responsible if a creep was to touch my boobs/butt. i would smack them in the nuts and run like sonic. if your south asian like me has this happened to you from a parent?

my sister starts fights for me for random shit. she also has done some pretty bad shit to me physically (not beating me with a belt or sexual abuse, but more like school bully shit). i still love her because she got me out of manipulation and abuse from my aunt sandra (not her real name) but still. i cant excuse her crazy behaviour.

aunt sandra commonly calls me a fat bitch or a “stupid” child. she thinks insulting kids and harassing them is “therapuetic” she even stated she wants to seperate her son from the real world due to it being “dangerous”. her husbands a nice guy but he agrees with that concept. i was sheltered from the world and i feel isolated like some fucking fregley from wimpy kid ass.

i wanna fucking die 💔💔💔💔

edit: i’m doing better than before, but i still am really upset.

also heres my spotify wrapped. i am super cringe

its a rave poster, dont worry. i think the barely legal 3 part is just a joke

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H-K2DZojWi0&lc=UgxASX0Ghp1_JzHPqIR4AaABAg

thanks to @dapper-blueberries for introducing me to this gem of a band 💖

i just love the mars volta’s stuff. they just give off this powerful, sweet energy that motivates me to do great artistic things. there is also this strange element of nostalgia. although i only listened to them since last month, i feel like i’ve heard many of their songs b4.

the one that introduced me to it was “tetragrammaton”. beautiful masterpiece, albeit some parts were pretty meh. it’s 16 minutes long by the way.

my favorite album is “bedlam in goliath”, and it’s just (chef’s kiss ^_^) the energy, the chaos, and the essence. sorry i just am feeling super euphoric about this album hehe

also the story got me pretty invested in it. theres also a game based on it where yoy have to get some shit, including 7 religious based items, open up files on a computer about a man getting addicting to communicating with a spirit named goliath on his ouija board, apparently inspired by one of the members, cedric, having an addiction to the ouija board and bad luck occuring to him and his loved ones.

teh game

https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/422645

(warning: religious trauma)

some wild shit. i’m very intrigued with these for sum reason ^_^

also the album gave me some wild idea. like a gijinka for the album, with a typical cowboy/80s rockstar mix form, and this creepy ass vessel with ghosts surrounding them. the gijinka is connected to the spirits through some pendant, and the only way to release them is to bury the pendant. (inspired by another cursed relic story i read)

thx for reading this trash

11/20/24

the goliath:the soothsayer game was so wild. i finished it and it was a major experience. the best horror game i played. the aesthetic is also nostalgic to me :’) 💖

11/21/24

i will do a mass review of all albums within the free time i have to listen to all of them. i have great expectations, especially amputechture, bedlam in goliath (my favorite ( ≧ᗜ≦) and deloused in the comatorium. (that album art is zo sick it gave me a major cased of the k0vid-19) francis the mute is also sick. (l'via l'vasquez is just gooooooooooooold)

warning: if you dont feel comfortable discussing about mental health, or serious shit, please leave and go somewhere nice. enjoy this cat photo.

ok here’s the serious part.

this post is dedicated to @sackydz and @jthrash. i read their posts and felt motivation to write this. if you dont want the credit i’ll delete. :3

i am no longer struggling with compassion fatigue, but i still want to help people. i love humanity and feel like i should take a stand.

i have been seeing some of the artists i care for here (and a friend) of mine struggle with staying on social media that has been stressing them out. i have struggled with it too. the feels of wanting to browse it, for the memes and the cool images you can find in google or other areas.

i understand the world is not a happy, or cheerful place. i am not saying you should deny the bad things. i am also trying to say that ai and celebrities can be a major stressor. theres also a lot of really bad people out there.

but hear me. delete the sites that are stressing you out a lot. please. it will be addicting and filled with withdrawl, but it’s worth it. i have never had to leave a social media site, but i gotten somewhat addicted to a subreddit i will not say for privacy and harassment reasons. it was filled with distressing stuff (not nsfw, but stuff like venting and fear of the future to the max.) i left adter 3 months, but for another month i had lots of urges to use it. how did i combat it? reminding myself that that subreddit was more of an uneeded anchor off my back, and focusing on work and friends, plus art and stupid memes :)

also, im not saying all the bad stuff is an illusion,run by some secret society/ the illuminati 🔺 but the constant fear you gain from those sites benefits not you, not who you care for, but the majority of posters of stuff like ai news, drama,political crap and celeb scandals just wanna get views, reaction, and sometimes money. (this doesnt apply to vents or life stories) they try to make people feel bad to get them algorithim boosts, and also for more attention.

we must try to inspire change and hope by spreading awareness, creating stuff to help people, and not use or conform to the stuff that tries/exists to make us too hopeless to fight, as people can be indoctrinated into evil if they dont try to fight when they can.

even if we dont bring much effect or it doesnt get much views, what matters is that you spoke out and someone found out and found a spark of confidence.

also, even if things may look completely depressing, there is still beauty in small pockets of community. i want to be a small pocket of hope in an ocean of chaos. i view the web as a huge ocean, and us users are basically fish and other ocean animals. there are huge areas of rough waves and vicious animals, but there are also smaller areas of calmer waves and nicer animals.

speaking about ai and stuff, i get its not a very fun topic to discuss especially about the future, but hear me out. your art will always be better and filled with more soul and imaginstion than ai. even if ur artstyle is ms painty, at least you put your thought in it.

thx for reading. if u have any constructive critique tell me.