using clothes is gei

because the clothes came out of the closet

and they are

v e r y g e i.

2024 was better than the earlier years, but still not the best. especially at the first 3 and last 2 months. mother became more narcissitic, felt more anxious about myself and the world,became more superstitious and panicky, and even questioning if i was real. started questioning if my more optimsitic nature was childish and had some too-far panicky thoughts about ai.

but i prefer not to focus on the negatives rn. made some new irl friends (albeit i cant hang out with them), became less cynical, felt happier about my identity, having better academic preformance, and i got interested in photography. (usually beautiful skies or artwork)

heres some art i have pride in

i fell in love with the cybercore aesthetic in early 2023. decided to make an oc based on it when i found dis music vid with a cool cyber oc. this version is currently the “standard” phoebe form, as i’m looking more into edgy/dark cyber shit.

found a cool artwork from broskullemoji (his earth day art) and i loved the muted colors, so i decided to experiment with them. i was also feeling pretty pessimistic so this art was made to remedy it, although it wasnt what i imagined.

artfight was filled with such talented peeps. i had some great opprotunities to discover new aesthetics and played around with effects

this one is very important to me. the day i made this, there was a massive family fight, and i started doubting who i was, and if i was worth anything. i felt like i didn’t have a choice in my life and that i was just having my actions done for me like a sim. i wanted to communicate the chaos i felt but didnt have art will so i just scribbled and did effects.

i dont want to explain the pain and suffering this art was made from. its too personal. i made this to distract myself from the world. i wanted to escape to a world of fantasy and beautiful aesthetics, so i took a pic of a very cute dog and frutiger aero-ed it. i was thinking of this song while making this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CzyeBTjRg6A&pp=ygUObGlrZSBodW1hbnMgZG8%3D

this art, its a doozy. i sometimes feel like the only way to make people better is to force them, and basically be a cult leader like person. i was thinking of the lain quote “close this world, open the next”, and propaganda posters. i also was expressing fear of ai, so what better oc than a robot girl resemblant of a human?

”children of the stars” is a series of art regarding my new ocs soleil, dylan, alexandra and philodoule. this art was based on my frustrations in the world poured out in this masterpiece. alexandra, the girl in the art looks like that cus she was inspired by dis cool picrew. the occult symbols were for aesthetic and also regarding her lore.

i felt weird that i didn’t draw reiko in like a year, so i decided to draw her again, with a few updates since i didnt like her old design anymore. the older design is still valid tho.

a rant against the system and zealots in the form of analog horror. the fox was based on my trauma and rebellious nature, and how i refuse to conform to people with weird ulterior motives. (everyone knows that shes got ulterior motives tell me da truth 🎶) i also grew up with a lot of fear about messing up, restrictive rules and shunning. partially inspired by mausland, as his art reminds me of my childhood, i wanted to analog horror it to represent childhood trauma.

fuck recency bias. i love this shit so much. i had dreams about this girl with similar fashion as the girl here. she would always appear in this 2000s-esque artstyle. i wanted to bring her into reality via ibispaint and my sketchpad. also wanted to pay tribute to old emo art from the 2000s.

people i want to thank:

@TheMiamiDeSantos @SkilledFella

@SomeDoodles @Thetageist @TheAsterDood02 @jthrash @DiamondPixel76 @CyberneticShokotan

@TheBestBroster @sawyercide @TheKursedOne @TheShokBlok @BroSkullEmoji and @DStar7

my spotify shame gallery

(i have 77 mental issues and i am banned from most places lol)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3EONSLTC5Es&pp=ygUVYmpvcmsgaW4gdGhlIG11c2ljYWxz

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xhxebfw7Wso&pp=ygUYdGhlIG1hcnMgdm9sdGEgYXNrbGVwaW9z

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cQsuzm1-RI4&pp=ygUVZGVwdGggY2hhcmdlIG91dC1zaWRl

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My mother views my as a fucking child. she always wants me to stay in her room because she wants “me to be with family” but gives zero justification. she always says “what you watchin/stop looking at negative shit.” she hates it when i get actually cute clothes because they look “slutty” “embarassing” “bringing shame to south asian neighbors” holy shit the only people who care about me looking “slutty” would be creeps and pedophilles. i am not responsible if a creep was to touch my boobs/butt. i would smack them in the nuts and run like sonic. if your south asian like me has this happened to you from a parent?

my sister starts fights for me for random shit. she also has done some pretty bad shit to me physically (not beating me with a belt or sexual abuse, but more like school bully shit). i still love her because she got me out of manipulation and abuse from my aunt sandra (not her real name) but still. i cant excuse her crazy behaviour.

aunt sandra commonly calls me a fat bitch or a “stupid” child. she thinks insulting kids and harassing them is “therapuetic” she even stated she wants to seperate her son from the real world due to it being “dangerous”. her husbands a nice guy but he agrees with that concept. i was sheltered from the world and i feel isolated like some fucking fregley from wimpy kid ass.

i wanna fucking die 💔💔💔💔

edit: i’m doing better than before, but i still am really upset.

its a rave poster, dont worry. i think the barely legal 3 part is just a joke

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H-K2DZojWi0&lc=UgxASX0Ghp1_JzHPqIR4AaABAg

thanks to @dapper-blueberries for introducing me to this gem of a band 💖

i just love the mars volta’s stuff. they just give off this powerful, sweet energy that motivates me to do great artistic things. there is also this strange element of nostalgia. although i only listened to them since last month, i feel like i’ve heard many of their songs b4.

the one that introduced me to it was “tetragrammaton”. beautiful masterpiece, albeit some parts were pretty meh. it’s 16 minutes long by the way.

my favorite album is “bedlam in goliath”, and it’s just (chef’s kiss ^_^) the energy, the chaos, and the essence. sorry i just am feeling super euphoric about this album hehe

also the story got me pretty invested in it. theres also a game based on it where yoy have to get some shit, including 7 religious based items, open up files on a computer about a man getting addicting to communicating with a spirit named goliath on his ouija board, apparently inspired by one of the members, cedric, having an addiction to the ouija board and bad luck occuring to him and his loved ones.

teh game

https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/422645

(warning: religious trauma)

some wild shit. i’m very intrigued with these for sum reason ^_^

also the album gave me some wild idea. like a gijinka for the album, with a typical cowboy/80s rockstar mix form, and this creepy ass vessel with ghosts surrounding them. the gijinka is connected to the spirits through some pendant, and the only way to release them is to bury the pendant. (inspired by another cursed relic story i read)

thx for reading this trash

11/20/24

the goliath:the soothsayer game was so wild. i finished it and it was a major experience. the best horror game i played. the aesthetic is also nostalgic to me :’) 💖

11/21/24

i will do a mass review of all albums within the free time i have to listen to all of them. i have great expectations, especially amputechture, bedlam in goliath (my favorite ( ≧ᗜ≦) and deloused in the comatorium. (that album art is zo sick it gave me a major cased of the k0vid-19) francis the mute is also sick. (l'via l'vasquez is just gooooooooooooold)