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KhaosKitsune617
(ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ♥
amateur horror artist. degenerate. fuck you
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reiko. @KhaosKitsune617

Female

former grim reapress

the pits of hell

Joined on 12/28/20

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vent post.

Posted by KhaosKitsune617 - May 2nd, 2024


i get this isnt that different from my usual vent posts, i struggle with shit about the world and myself, but recently its been very repetitive, and has been hurting me for a while. i keep having repetitive thoughts and fears about me being kicked out of school/home, ending up homeless, being murdered, and even some other thoughts which i will not get into because i dont want to scare anyone.


unlike earlier situations, its been a lot more repeititve, i've been having them around 2-5 times every few days, and even realizing my safety, sexurity, and the rarity of those tragedies doesnt help anymore. i need to come to terms that my autism makes me weak but wont make me a target all the time.


also, i keep feeling like i will eventually have to turn to evil to progress in this world, or i will have to live as like a slave to society. there is not really a middle ground, especially with the future being more hateful. eventually, my loved ones will shun me. i know it.


iu_1197803_8436322.webp


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Comments

i just want to feel better again.

also btw, my newer vent art will be more messed up than my others. something like the claudia art but worse

dang

I hope you get better. I sure know that feeling. I too feel like the only way to succeed in life is by becoming evil at times and I fear that despite I’m actually a very good person that I might end up turning evil someday. Just not sure when it will happen. I sure don’t want it to happen but I want to succeed as well. I’m currently trying to stay a good person. And will continue doing so.

what if non-puppet females with autism are just made to suffer and be mocked?

i think im going crazy. i’m thinking about dropping out of school or at least neglecting my homework so i can feel less stressed. i think dropping out is way too far. maybe skipping some classes?

ṷ̴͎͔̹͙̋̓̋͆̊͐̇w̷̧̱̺̣̗̪̪͓̜͔̬̫͆̊͝ͅư̷͚̩̥̖̯̩̳͍̙͆́̈͝ẃ̵̠̜̞̭̦̤͑̃͠ữ̶̡̨̗̪̜̘̩̜̟̳͕̱̖͐͆w̸̡̛̼͚̟̔̐̽͒́͒̐̂̀͐̆̚̚ų̸͇̬͇̖̙͉̥̩̞̍͘͜͝ẇ̷̧̨̨̘̥͉̦̩̯̟͈̩̰̯͜ư̷͚͎̭̱͓̬͍̩̱̂͛̔̏̄̆̀̌̀͆̓͠ͅẉ̵̛̘̞̙͒̓̏u̸̧̟̗͍̟̭͍̪̽̏͒̐̈̈́̆w̵̡̏̔͋͊̿̓͂́͑͠͝u̶̢̯̦͔͍̱̤͍͓̹͕̖͛̒̔̌͝͝ͅw̷͈͓͙̮̼͑̀ų̶̛̗̙̰͚̲̭͇͑̾̾́̃̀́̎̂̀̌̽̉̚ư̷̦̰̮͎̝̺̼̳̠͚̮̙̇̇̋͗̈́͗̚w̷̧̨̖̖̤̪̱̟̯̙̭͕̏̽̿̆̀̀̏͊̑͘ͅu̶̝͊̓ẁ̴̫͔͌́͆́͝͝ų̶͔̠̩͕͈͖̀̅̀̓̋̑̀̇w̴̨̢̼͖̼̣̭͔̪̪̻̌́͗́̔͒̐͒͜͝ủ̶̗̥́̀

i dont have any real purpose. an ai can do things way better than me. i wish i was replaced by one at times

Hey there, I'm autistic too. I have spent years with really poor mental health because of how autism and ADHD have affected my life.

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere in the world. I have worried about whether I would be taken advantage of and hurt by the world around me too. Navigating society on my own feels damn near impossible. Even though I'm labeled as "High Functioning".

You don't deserve to feel this way. Please know that. And I understand what you mean by thinking you either have to turn evil or be a slave. The autistic experience in this world basically teaches you to either:

1. Become a slave and mask yourself into oblivion. Forgetting who you are and repressing your feelings and ignoring your own needs, wants, and boundaries because society refuses to understand or accommodate for those who don't fit into a neat little cookie-cutter idea of what a person 'should' be like. And eventually you lose yourself entirely to a slow death from the inside out.

2. Become evil and 'burn down the village to feel its warmth' so to speak. Feeling betrayed and let down by the cold, uncaring world around you, it can feel quite reasonable at times to want to enact revenge.

Both of these are awful ways to live, as one leads to you mainly harming yourself and the other is mainly harming others.

I know that it is really damn difficult living like this, but please treat yourself kindly. Forgive yourself and pursue your passions with all you've got.

You're not alone.

thanks. im glad there are autistic people who fought society’s standards. however, me being a minority and being autistic makes it harder.

@KhaosKitsune617 Oh yeah, I totally get that. :(

Hey, I know I'm just some random guy so you dont have to if you dont wanna, but if you would want someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen and help you if I can. I hate seeing another autistic person feeling so bad.

im glad that autistic people arent all stamped out. although i sometimes think of anti-vaxxers who believe vaccines cause autism

@KhaosKitsune617 Oh god I hate that shit. People don't even understand what autism is, let alone what causes it. My comeback to that is always "What about the millions of people who are vaccinated and didn't end up autistic?".

i am currently making a piece of art inspired by it. its gonna be a while due to another project for the clock crew. just a heads up, its gonna be messed up.

@KhaosKitsune617 Cool, I'll check it out when its up :)

i kinda feel happy ai is taking over. i kinda want my talent to be stolen, and for me to lose my identity, because i dont have any purpise. i wouldnt mind a fake world if there is no joy in any.

will i eventually have to give up what i stand for to live past 30?

i am clincally insane