Since everyone’s doing a year recap, I am doing one. Just a heads up, its kinda of a vent so I will act really emotional.

Now lets start.

/

/

/

/

/

/

/

/

2022 was an absolute, fucking crap of a year. The worst of my life so far. Lets start with the positives to make room for the gazillion negatives.

-My art style significantly improved. Though I have issues still, and have bad self esteem, I realized how good my art style is now.

Early 2021: Old art of a very old OC, Ryleigh.

Now:

I have seen a major change. My lines are a lot smoother. I draw non-humans and rooms more. There is shading in many artworks. And I put nice special effects for a good style.

-I developed my own style. In 2021, I wanted to fit in the typical “aesthetics” like cottagecore and scenecore. I was very caught up with being in the aesthetics rather than embracing myself. I currently say I am a goth and emo, but I do scene kid stuff and Y2K-styled art.

-I explored more music. I used to just vibe to KMFDM and stuff. I still like them, but I have expanded to new tastes.

Now, here is the bad news.

/

/

/

/

/

/

/

-Intense mental health struggles. In 2020 and 2021 I had some issues with my emotions but usually werent as crazy. Everything changed in 2022, as I started to feel more hopeless and cynical. And I never forgot being diagnosed with depression in June or July. (I have moderate anxiety and mild depression, I could be bipolar or even have post traumatic stress disorder.) My family fights a lot so I feel scared and I hate hearing them fight.

I would say I am a pessimistic and cynical person. However, there have been cases where I have even been kinda nihilistic and even felt “above human” because of my mental health.

-Current events. I am usually not a politics or current events person. But after all this, I have no fucking hope left. The war in Ukraine made me feel really devastated and hopeless. When I heard about it first, I was just like, “Why?”

One of the most saddening and upsetting events was the Roe v. Wade issue. I am really sorry for bringing it up, but I felt like after that, equality was now just, impossible.

And the AI art issue made me feel like every day is a funeral, and that all I should do is cry till I die. (Based on things going on I’d probs be only 20-26 when I die.)

-A shooting threat in my school. That fateful day, May 12th. I remember just going to school and waiting for it to be over. But my teacher told me this phrase I never forgot.

”There was a threat sent to our school on Instagram. The person said that he will attack our school on the 18th.”

After that, I never forgot everything. I was crying and screaming “I have only 6 days to live!” I left school early on that day because I was scared of dying. When the 18th came I expected myself to die or get horribly injured in a bloodbath. But thank FUCKING GOD, my school was not shot up.

-The Uvalde incident. This is listed seperately from my “current events” part for a reason. I never forgot when, after a day the massacre happened, just clearing up after the shooting threat, my teacher told me about the shooting.

Since I was a very wimpy and stupid girl, I cried to my parents and my guidance counselor that I was so scared I was going to be a target. Unlike the other events, this event took me like 2 MONTHS for me to fully heal, but I dont fully expect recovery.

Sorry about my bitching. Thanks for reading.